The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
GOING from rags to riches is essentially everyone’s dream, but when it happens to a couple, it then turns to be a curse to most of them as it comes with more problems which eventually lead to separation or divorce.
It is unfortunate that money changes people’s characters and is the cause of relationship break-ups. Even if a couple had the same vision before acquiring it, once they get it in abundance, more conflicts arise. There are some people who will tell you that they were very happy in their relationship before they got “cursed” with money which resulted in fights and pain in the relationship more than they ever anticipated.
Considering such incidents, more money has really proven to bring more problems in relationships resulting in heartbreaks. It is at this point in time where many people will pray for their partners to remain at the same level as when they married them because once they start making or getting more than they used to, they change.
Though the society is harsh on women, accusing them of being the ones with a high rate of turning into a new person once they are ‘‘monied’’, this syndrome also affects men. It is only unfortunate for women that with them it’s difficult to hide that they got more money as dressing, hairstyles etc sells them out while men often play it cool and are usually noticed by those close to them.
With time, both men and women have proved that the love of money is the root of all evil. After the change of a lifestyle which is brought by finance improvements, their personalities also change. One way or the other, some become bossy, not co-operative and worse for men, some turn to be experts of infidelity, which gives relationships a final blow.
Though it is a good thing to advance in life when you are already with your person, it’s also scary as some will find themselves having to deal with a different “animal”. The lover you would have known for years will become a stranger. When they try and fail to deal with the new person, they are always left with no choice but to go separate ways which is really sad. That issue will haunt them for a long time and the only thing they will be blaming is ‘‘money’’.
While money doesn’t exactly shape your belief system, it can influence the way you think and act toward others. The more money you have, the more focused on yourself you become and less-sensitive to the welfare of people around you. It is unfortunate that people always forget that money cannot buy you love and happiness as they always come to believe that with money, they have it all, letting go of those who love them.
It is also noted that several studies have shown that wealth may be at odds with empathy and compassion. This then becomes fertile ground for arguments to happen and those little spats can often lead to more serious marital problems. Whether we realise it or not, money issues can wreak havoc in multiple areas of our marriages — even topics that seemingly have nothing to do with money on the surface!
Deal with money issues before they get out of hand and remember marriage is a partnership. The officiant says, “And now you are one” when people get married. Both parties need to be involved in the finances and never let money change your character, but it has to make life more fun for you, affording all the good things you ever wished to have or to do. The demon of money being a marriage wrecker should just be put to an end!
FEEDBACK
The issue you wrote about in your last column was very true. I never realised that I was in dangerous love up until I read your article. I am in a relationship with a man 17 years older than me and he is so insecure to the extent that he wants to know my whereabouts each and every second. I have to report all my movements. I used to think that it was love, but now I have just realised he is too jealous and dangerous. It is now getting into my nerves; it is like he is breathing on my neck. Thanks so much for the article.
Dangerous love, I wonder how you came up with that topic. After reading it I failed to even control myself and I really cried because I wished if only someone had told me all about that long back before I ruined my life. I am one woman whose life was destroyed by a man I thought loved me. It was not real love but dangerous one. He impregnated me when I was doing my second year at the university. You know, trying to cover up to my parents; we quickly formalised our relationship and got married. All in the name of love, he told me that he will work hard and provide everything for the family therefore I must be a housewife. At that time it all sounded sweet as if he was doing it out of love. After some time he became abusive and too controlling, but people around me misled me as they said it was love. Now I am a single mother with no career because of that man. You said it well; there is dangerous love which can destroy you if you are not careful.
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