The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
EVERYONE dreams of having a partner who is loyal and one who understands him the most. However, sometimes you get carried away by someone’s flattery words or gestures and tend to believe they love you selflessly.
With the passage of time, they reveal their true colours but you will be loving them blindly and failing to notice that their love is not genuine and that they are just using you for their own selfish needs. They turn you into a service provider, sticking to you for certain reasons, not love.
It hurts to discover after a long time that you were just a service provider and nothing else!
I have never understood people who got reasons for being in a relationship. All I know is that love is never meant to have a reason, at all. If you look at the person you are with and you have reasons for being with them, you don’t love them at all. You are in the wrong relationship and most probably that person is just your service provider.
At the end someone will have a heartbreak. You are meant to be with someone you just love. Love doesn’t come with a warning or a disclaimer. It doesn’t come with a rhyme or reason. It is not something you can quantify, calculate or even control. It just happens!
It is unfortunate that some people become love struck to even notice that they are being used. At some point, they realise that something is amiss, but fail to notice the missing link. It’s not easy to notice that you are a service provider because you will be thinking you are doing things out of love while you are being used.
A relationship must never be one-sided. The problem is that the other party will get stressed and frustrated as he would not get the deeper connection and love from her partner. The actions of couples who are really in love with each other are drastically different from couples who are just together out of some form of need.
Sometimes you enter into a relationship really excited about your partner only to find out months (or even years) down the line that you were being used. It really hurts to discover that the person whom you had come to believe that he/ she is the one, was just taking you for a ride.
Some men are just in relationships to have sex. The only time they get to be serious is when they want to sexually satisfy themselves and thereafter they disappear. Most times the woman who would have been turned into a sex provider, notices the bad behaviour, but fails to let go as she will be in love. Finally when she becomes honest to herself and accepts that she is being used, it leaves her heartbroken.
At the same time, there are women who just need money and to be taken out for shopping and holidays. They have turned some men into service providers. The unfortunate thing is that those who have once been victims, they later become stingy and irresponsible men in relationships resulting in the suffering of their partners.
Actually where there is real love, the partners pay attention to each other even in the tiniest of things. Those who are in love stay engaged and make it a point to acknowledge their partners whenever possible. Even when they are stressed they still do everything in their power to be in the moment with one another and to help their partner be in the moment, too.
There is no such thing as cutting ties because the other party is stressed! Couples who are together out of convenience don’t necessarily make it a point to do that. In some cases, they may not even get too bothered if their partner isn’t very responsive. They are more likely to write it off as something their partner usually does.
When you are really in love with someone, you want to make them happy. That typically becomes more of a priority than just about anything else. In order to do that, you will be extra attentive to the detail you might be prone to forget.
When you are in love and want to be with someone, you are going to make time for them no matter how crazy your life is at the moment. They look forward to shared experiences, have less trouble supporting each other and consider their partner’s desires and needs. It’s all about happily meshing your life with another person not providing your services.
When you live parallel lives, spend less time together and always find relief when you are apart then know one of you is a service provider in the relationship. Never be in a relationship for the safety blanket it offers.
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