The Sunday News
What is anger?
Anger is an emotion characterised by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. It has also been defined as a reaction to a threat or an emotion you feel when annoyed or upset by something wrong or bad.
I choose to go with the definition that says anger is punishment we subject ourselves to when things go wrong. Mostly, people are angered by what other people did or didn’t do. Or by what they didn’t do themselves.
In other words it’s punishment we give ourselves for what we were supposed to do that we did not do. Statements such as, “How could this person do this to me?” or “How could I forget to do that”, are some of what we think, say or shout. Truth is what we think, say or feel does not change anything. It may intimidate the accused person to react by apologising or they may decide to move your anger a gear up by refusing to accept responsibility and infuriate you even more, resulting in a fight.
At times a person may seem angry with no particular person but everything, perhaps they will be angry at the world. Such people end up living a miserable life because while at first people may react to their episodes of anger they, with time, dismiss it as ‘normal’.
Who feels the brunt of the anger?
Let’s examine what happens when a person is angry. Their heart rate and blood pressure increases, their breathing changes, temperature rises and muscles tighten. According to science this is caused by the activation of the fight or flight hormones cortisol and norepinephrine which activate the stress response. When this happens blood moves away from internal organs.
So anger does not only affect the heart and leave you with high chances of stroke but it is a threat to all organs which is why it is said that it suppresses your whole immune system. Imagine a situation whereby you get angry frequently.
How much damage do you cause to your body that you will be angry about later in your life. It is said that a person who gets angry often does as much damage to their lungs as a person who smokes frequently. Bottling in anger isn’t healthy either, you may end up with depression. Every time you feel that anger building up inside you think of these facts. You may be cutting your life short each time you get angry.
You repel others by being angry
There are people who are referred to as short tempered and are quick to get angry and therefore, people tread carefully around them. Perhaps you have a friend or relative who is like that and you have to walk on eggshells when around them.
Perhaps you are the one with anger issues and you’ve noticed that no one wants to be around you when you throw tantrums. You don’t even like that about yourself either so who do you expect to put up with that?
Children who are brought up by angry parents often show signs of stress and are prone to mental illnesses later in life, according to research. They may have low self esteem and abusive patterns.
It is important that in early life children be in a place where they can be molded in safe environments and protected from any kind of abuse. Prolonged anger in parents may translate to abuse to their children without them even realising it.
Can we benefit from anger?
While anger is a negative emotion it can be used constructively to improve one’s life. This is defined by most psychologists as constructive anger. It may take anger or being fed up for some people to want to change their lives.
Anger may be that push that makes them want to do things differently.
Look for the real reason why you are angry instead of rushing to shout at a person or blame someone or something.
What’s the real situation that needs confrontation? How can it be addressed? If it can’t be changed how better can you express your discontent rather than through lashing out at someone? Answering some of these questions may assist you to be less reactive.
We can control our anger
Someone might say in the heat of the moment it’s not possible to control your anger, but what’s the hurry. When you slow down and not rush to react you will realise that the anger dies down and you can communicate in a more constructive manner and avoid drama.
Most anger management techniques involve thinking before you speak, delaying expressing your anger until you are calm, not holding grudges, practicing relaxation techniques, and using humour to release tension.
The last one may sound impossible but it actually works. Try to smile or laugh every time you feel like shouting at someone.
At least your energy will be diverted to a better way of expressing yourself and avoiding trouble or even getting slapped when the shouting game you started gets out of control.
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