Beautiful liar

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

LIES are bad . . . this small informative sentence has always been the beginning of a moral good stand point of any advice considered worth absorbing. But how bad are lies? Telling a lie is not a bad idea as it can save and build relationships. All you have to do is to be a good liar!

Naturally, human beings are liars. Nevertheless some take it a mile further and in the process earn titles like chronic liars. Relationships since time immemorial have been a fertile garden of lies. In some instances such a garden watered with lies has failed to see the light of the day or witness a single smiling flower blossom into a feast palate for bees. With that being said, how healthy are lies in a relationship, to what extent can you lie to save your relations or what is the average lie you can tell without blinking to save your relationship?

Shockingly, after a small survey that I did with people in relationships, lies have actually saved them on many occasions than telling the truth. Does that sound familiar? If it does chances that you have lied in a relationship are very high and chances that you will go on to lie after reading about this article are also very high. But before you start smiling there is a downside on doing anything in excess.

All I can say is that one has to be a good liar to save her/his relationship. Honestly, how many people have been left heartbroken after telling the truth? Being honest seems to never pay in life. Just imagine if your partner confesses that she/he had a fling with your friend. That will definitely result in heartbreak one way or another, but if one tells a lie, it’s all good and life goes on.

I always advise men who are caught by their wives cheating, that they should never make the mistake of telling the truth. Only lies will save them and that is the reason you find most men getting away with their games and being forgiven. Telling lies claiming to have been seduced into cheating and it was the first time is close to men’s second nature. These are good lies as they are meant to save the relationship.

Unfortunately for women, they always try to act like angels and whenever caught on the wrong side, they rush to make confessions, destroying their own life. I will never feel sorry for a person who destroys her own life by failing to accurately navigate her tongue out of trouble. My sister, you should lie for your own good and once you survive, then you can put your house in order. Clearly look at history, humans have an insatiatable appetite for lies, take it upon yourself if need be to lie yourself out of a heartbreak.

Words cut like knives, especially those that are premeditated, sharpened and weighed against the recipients’ weakness. This is where liars have found strength in many relationships. Before telling a lie most people have admitted to dropping a flattering compliment while it’s being absorbed by the recipient they go for the kill and nail the lie deep to the unsuspecting recipient and just like that they would have gotten away with the truth.

At this point, one can argue that lies are healthy in a relationship if clinical administered, but the main thrust is, to what extent can you on several occasions unlock yourself out of relationship crisis with lies? Even if you succeed on numerous occasions, if you make it a habit then you will be caught.

Just lie when its necessary and never make it a habit.

As a result, though lies have destroyed many relationships, some who have managed to effectively lie have grandchildren who are also married just because of lying when it’s necessary. Sometimes it’s necessary to tell a lie and in relationships that point is always close by, especially if the truth can announce the end of the relationship. Those who lie in relationships should avoid tangling themselves in lies to the extent that it catches up with them.

The problem with creating a chain of lies in a relationship is that you always have to be on close guard just in case your partner gets hold of one link then the whole chain crumbles, dragging you back to inevitably toe the truth line.

Just like constructive violence if ever there is anything like that, there are also constructive lies. Lying for the sake of lying is a bad habit, but for saving your skin it can be the best thing that can happen. Though there are people who have lost their conscience to the extent that they lie without feeling guilty. People who are clever know when and how to lie, but those that are chronic, it has become a point of habit that they just do it to serve a craving almost close to drug addiction. In such a case then lies become a bad thing.

Lying has its place even in the healthiest of unions. In fact, there are times when lying is even good for your relationship. Of course, I’m talking about the kind of lies that make life easier, save people’s feelings and motivate each other to be their best selves. Pro-social lies are ones told to protect another’s feelings or help someone, while anti-social lies are told to cover up wrongdoing or gain an advantage. Thumbs-up to pro-social lies!

In other words, lying about how much you like his new shirt is pro-social; lying about suspicious texts is anti-social.

In general, society views lying as bad, most people would agree that fibbing is acceptable in certain situations. A balance between honesty and fibbing is crucial to maintaining a harmonious environment. Yep, honesty is “not’’ always the best policy. Knowing when to fib and when to come clean not only preserves, but strengthens connections.

I am not against being transparent and open in a relationship, in fact, every relationship needs transparency. But if we want to tell ourselves the truth, there are times when we need to hold back some truths if we want our relationship to work. I know some people would disagree with me on this but I really think there are certain things one should keep to herself/himself.

The important thing is having true feelings as a foundation otherwise good lies might actually help maintain a relationship!

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