Dangerous love

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

TOO much of anything is dangerous! If there is one dangerous thing in life, it is loving too much. I know when madly in love it is difficult to tolerate the idea that one day that same person might disappoint you and break your heart, so truth be told, do not love too much.

I have realised that most people who love most are the ones with high rate of getting disappointments in relationships and to make it worse fail to accept life’s fate and move on. Unfortunately some of them even go on to commit crimes of passion or do the ‘‘unthinkable’’.

I know when it comes to matters of the heart, it is easy to lose control despite trying to be of the Hard Hearted Foundation, but the secret is to know the limits and try to control yourself. The secret is to love moderate and after-all this issue of love has always been complicated.

Although it is difficult to define what constitutes excessiveness in love, characterising love as “too much” implies that some damage has been done — either to the lover or the beloved. When intense love blinds our sight and makes one act improperly, people may say that such intense love is too much.

A remark such as, “I couldn’t help it, I was madly in love with her/him,” indicates that sometimes love can be excessive.

It is sad that in the name of love some people have sacrificed their lives, happiness and freedom just to mention a few. Without realising, love turns to hurt you and that is the reason I believe people must not love too much. There are women beaten everyday and some have even become disabled because they love too much. It is not love, but foolishness!

Emotions might be harmful when they are excessive. Emotional excess is harmful for the same reasons that other kinds of excess are harmful. As in other emotions, excessiveness in love can impede the lover from seeing a broader perspective. It has been argued that it is impossible to love and be wise because in general when you look at actions of people who love too much, you can even doubt their sanity. In African culture that is the reason such people are always said to have been bewitched.

Loving too much can be problematic when it hurts the lover, which typically occurs in the long term. The lover’s intense love might be excessive in the sense that it prevents one from realising the true nature of the relationship. For example, those who love too much never notice or admit that their relationship has no future because they come to live in their own world. With such love they even fail to see their partner’s faults and when the bombshell drops, they cry the most when it was written all over. Sorry, we cannot feel sorry for such people who choose to be blind! Never waste your time loving too much, especially someone who does not give it back.

People, especially men who love too much often keep investing in a relationship that has no chance of surviving as their beloved one does not love them to the same extent and when reality strikes they want to cry foul when they had chosen to put their own lives at a halt and made a wrong investment on a person who can shift goals anytime.

Loving too much may also hurt the beloved. A typical example of this is when the lover does not allow the beloved to enjoy sufficient private space. Hey, everyone needs his/her space in life. We are tired of incidents where you are told that a certain man killed his girlfriend out of love. It should be normal love, not dangerous one! Smothering someone with love does not prove that you love them. Rather, it displays signs of insecurity and selfishness. There is nothing wrong with showering your significant other with your undying love and attention, but the truth is, the more you suffocate them with love and attention, the further away you are pushing them.

When you really think about it, loving someone does not mean you have to breathe down their necks and keep tabs on them every minute of every day thereby losing focus of your life. When you focus on the person and love him/her too much then you tend to push your friends, family, work and all of the other things, aside. It is dangerous to have your life revolving around one thing and the day it comes to an end is the usual reason one finds him/herself without a purpose for living. Loving too much makes you over-possessive and crowds your partner’s space, leading them to feel suffocated.

Finally, bitterness comes in and love changes its colour. When it happens, you will be left heartbroken. By loving too much there is no guarantee for lifetime happiness, but disappointment as you will not be at par with your partner.

Loving too much, caring too much and expecting too much from someone are the key ingredients that will lead you to being hurt, disappointed and in pain.

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