The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
BEING sad shouldn’t be taken or mistaken for a hobby, but if you are in a fake relationship you come to make it one and never accept life’s fate, that binds you into blindness to the extent that you fail to realise the shortcomings in your relationship. Sorrow becomes your friend and you normalise the abnormal.
Such is the life of those in fake relationships; though they comfort themselves with crumbs based on wishes that they have finally found love, all they experience is pain and frustration! Like a mirage in a desert, it vanishes the moment you need to quench your thirst the most.
Being in a fake relationship is tantamount to inflicting untold self-emotional and even physical harm, because you are just in a shadow relationship. If you are in a real one, it is about two equal individuals celebrating each other. Both parties become equally committed to moving forward together and they have love and appreciation for the other person.
When you then find yourself with a partner who stands still while you push and pull him/her to the finishing line, then it is all fake. Remember fake or as popularly known zhingzhongz never lasts.
It is sad that many people waste their time on these fake relationships with hope for the best which never comes, leaving them heartbroken for the rest of their lives. Sorry to those who are victims of fake relationships because after reading this column, the best solution will be to be brave and do what is best for you.
You better be single than be in a fake relationship because you totally lose yourself. Fake relationships do not only apply to those who are dating, but even married couples, some of their marriages are already over. You can find that one party is forcing things to happen while the other is just relaxed and given a choice will walk out of the relationship as soon as possible.
There is often a desire to change the other person and when one fails to do so, the only option will be a loss or collapse of self. You find yourself losing your own space and collapsing, often leaving you unfulfilled, feeling empty like something is “off” internally. Fake relationships give a pale comparison to the real thing. A real relationship founded on simple principles of love, respect and trust doesn’t need a second glance to identify.
Some couples would have had a real relationship, but with time, one of the parties may have fallen out of love. You start struggling to find anything in common between the two of you besides sharing the bed. Sex life finally dies and for the sake of children and fear of being labelled a divorcee, you continue staying together. All you struggle to do is to give your family and relatives the impression that you are a couple, but you will just be in a fake relationship where there is no love and harmony.
Also on the other hand, there are those ones who are yet to be married but the relationship is already suffering and exuding signs of stillbirth. But staunchly one of the parties doesn’t know exactly where they stand in someone’s life. Each time when they part ways, insecurity becomes a sixth sense driven by an athletic pulse beat thinking whether the other party will ever phone or visit again. Uncertainty is EVERYWHERE!
It is very sad that in fake relationships, you are the only one committed to “making it work,” but the effort is yours alone. Your man or woman appears to be content with things just as they are.
It is ideal to make sure that if you believe to be in a real relationship, the other party has an emotional commitment to you and clearly makes you a priority in his life. The habit of always giving excuses for your partners’ actions should stop, but one must get the message. If your man has made you believe that his mother or sister comes first and not you then know there is something amiss and sort it out before it gets to a point where you will be left heartbroken.
Relationships are like a dance. Your partner carefully observes your wants and needs and adjusts his moves to fit yours. You know he loves you because he considers your desires with every step he/she takes. Your opinions matter, of course it would be unreasonable and unhealthy for you to agree on everything, but you are always in each other’s thoughts. When you plan for the future, it is a must to include each other and if it’s not happening that way, then know the relationship is just for fun and nothing more.
If your partner has decided not to take your relationship ‘‘seriously’’ always know that you can’t love and “understand” him into changing his mind, no matter how hard you push. Your best bet is to recognise the situation for what it is and move on. Definitely there is one wonderful soul who would be thrilled to wrap you in their arms and give you the safe and secure feeling you crave. If all symptoms of fake are all over your relationship, it’s probably high time you wet your beak in new pond and stop imagining things and torturing yourself by being in a fake relationship.
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