The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
YOU didn’t fight enough!
After a breakup with someone whom you used to think was the one, you will always find people who believe you were quick to end the relationship, accusing you of not fighting enough.
At the back of your mind you will be knowing very well that you gave it your best and the more you fought for his love, the more you got hurt. So at the end of the day, you were not really fighting for love but pain. Seriously such a fight is not worth it!
It is important to have some dignity and love yourself. Stop fighting for someone who doesn’t love you and all he has to offer are insults, infidelity accusations and taking away your happiness. We all know that it isn’t easy, the heart has no restart button, emergency exit or even a window you could open to let the fresh breeze in and out, but still be brave to notice that some fights are nothing more, but waste of time.
They say that loving someone without them loving you back is like trying to light a candle with an unlit match. And we don’t really know why people do it, why they insist on worshipping someone who doesn’t love them as well. They persist and resist, thinking distorted thoughts like, “if I tell him this, he might . . .” or “if I change this, it’s possible that . . .” as if this would achieve anything.
However, love isn’t a vending machine. You can’t put in a coin, press a button and get what you want. Sometimes, there’s no other remedy than to take the plunge, forget all your false hopes, and stop killing yourself over someone who’s gone in a different direction with other people.
It is unfortunate that people have been made to believe that they can not control themselves when it comes to love. This has resulted in many suffering in the name of love. All I know is that love has a limit and it’s name is dignity. Open your eyes and heal your heart. William Shakespeare even said, “I learned that I cannot demand love from anyone. I can only give good reasons for them to like me . . . and be patient for life to do the rest.”
For one to be happy, you have to make it clear to yourself that if they don’t love you, remember to love yourself. Some people believe they have to be loved by someone else all the time, forgetting that self love is the best as it doesn’t hurt or disappoint. This is the main premise that you should integrate into your life. But we were taught not to give up or lose, which makes it even harder to break any kind of bond.
Understand that love is not sacrifice. It’s never worth it to think things like, “if I stop doing this maybe they will love me,” or “if I change this and that about myself they will like me more.” Don’t do it. Don’t commit emotional suicide, don’t humiliate yourself, don’t set fire to the only thing that gives you strength: your self-esteem.
If they are hurting you, they don’t love you. It’s simple. If you are an invisible horse on their carousel of infidelity, selfishness and insults, stay away from them. Why make yourself a prisoner in their emotional torture chamber? If you escape, you will finally realise that freedom is the best source of comfort and solitude is a welcome refuge.
In impossible love, the first thing you lose is hope. Why are you still in that relationship when you lost hope long ago? Some relationships come with an expiration date and if you’re fully aware that nothing you want will ever come to be, you should leave through the door where you just walked in. And do it with dignity, with your head held high and with your heart in one piece.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is extremely painful, but it’s even more painful to stop loving yourself for someone who doesn’t even deserve you. Be strong and wise, and always remember that you should only love that which is worthy of being loved.
A relationship you have to fight for isn’t worth saving. Fighting is the wrong word. You have to do a lot of things to make a relationship work, namely compromise, communicate and invest. The list gets long, but it should never include fighting. If you are fighting to keep someone, you should consider letting them go. They are probably not worth the trouble. At least freeing yourself will make you find someone who’s willing to invest in your shared future. Nobody’s love is a spoil of war.
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