The Sunday News
Busie Mtshede
BECAUSE I am a woman I have to wear tags on me all the time. If I dress well, I am trying to impress men, if I speak my mind I am disrespectful, if I am ambitious and set standards I am a gold digger, can I ever be seen for who I simply am?To make matters worse women are blamed for their outfits, their frank behaviour and the ambition to be independent. Instead of discouraging the men, women are questioned on their character.
Why do women have to justify their ambition, outfits and character? Why does she have to control her smile, her laugh and so on? But men are free as there are no controls, no barriers, no limits and no social stigmatisation. In some cases women have to suffer as the culprits, with no feeling of guilt whatsoever from the accusers who just roam freely in society. What gives men a licence to attack or judge women who are fashionable, smart and career-oriented?
As women there are certain expectations that are on us all the time if it’s not makeup, its clothes, behaviour the list doesn’t end. Imagine if all women cease to use make-up and jewellery. Oh no!
Would society accept us for wanting to look simple and plain? No! I don’t think so, we will still be judged on that. The make-up industry is making millions every year from vulnerable women like you and me for what? To please society, especially men!
My own mom doesn’t like me leaving the house without a touch of gloss. There are days when I just want to have that bad hair day and walk proudly on the street. Sadly, that one time when I did that, a few dirty looks were thrown at me. Not from men, but from women as well! My own kind! My own kind had no mercy on me. The reality is that no matter how intelligent, competent, and dazzling she may be, a woman in our country today still cannot count on being understood and embraced by anyone; man or woman.
As much as I like whining about being a woman at times, well I must say that I am proud to be one! Women are strong and kind and they’ll stop at nothing to rise and walk high.
Have you seen how a woman in stilettos falls down and quickly gets up and walks as though nothing has happened? Yeah. That’s the way we are made. Fall and tumble and get up and walk again. Women have battle scars more than men who have been to war.
Their scars never heal and their pain is never entirely gone. Yet, they stand strong and face the world as daughters, sisters, mothers and wives. Crying is not a display of weakness. A woman cries because she is not afraid to show her feelings. A woman’s strength is often misjudged and it’s about time people started seeing women for who they really are. Fighters! Survivors! Inventors! Entrepreneurs! Leaders!
In my simple world there is a rainbow and someday it has bright colours against a blue sky and other days the sky is dark and stormy but the rainbow is still bright. Sometimes my rainbow is pale, some days there are two, and sometimes there is just a small part of my rainbow visible in an unexpected way.
On bad days there is no rainbow but I make the most of it and I look out and see my sunny funny rainbow somewhere and smile at it and I wish I had a bucket of rainbow paint so others could see my world that I have created to celebrate my being a woman without being judged. I’m comfortable with myself, I love myself. And I feel like I speak to girls and women that are like me. . . that are often misjudged and looked down upon or talked about because people don’t get their heart or their spirit based on something as small as what they might choose to wear on a certain day.
Women should be celebrated! Seriously. We spend years trying to be perfect for everyone; for our parents, our teachers, our friends, our boyfriends, our husbands, our children and even for our bosses. Men expect women to be perfect in every sense. When minutes of meetings are required to be taken, it is almost always handed down to a woman.
Why? Let’s blame our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers and great great grandmothers and great great – great grandmothers… Oh, you get it! They were the ones who related and relayed the word “perfect” to women! Now, whether we like it or not, we are all striving to live up to the standards that have been set by our fore-mothers!
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Feedback from Last week
Thank you for your column. — 0782 795701
I just want to encourage you to keep doing the great work that you are doing. You are an inspiration and my role model. — +27783505 6741
My sister I really appreciate your articles, as a woman it’s true that we should know that our bodies are temples of God. Pamela Munyebvu. – 0783 334 836
